How Does It Feel to Outgrow Your Anger?
For years, my biggest problems were not caused by people or situations around me. They were caused by my anger and impulsive reactions. This is a reflection on what it feels like to slowly outgrow that phase.
My close friends and family know this about me. I used to have a serious anger problem.
I have seen people who never accept their mistakes and are quick to blame others. I am grateful I never went down that path. When I look back honestly, most of the problems I faced in life did not come from circumstances or people around me. They came from my own anger and impulsive reactions.
For the last six years, I have worked consciously on my anger. I would not say it disappeared. I still get angry. The difference is awareness. I can see it rising now. I can slow it down. Sometimes, I can even channel it into something useful instead of letting it explode in the wrong direction.
Impulse control, however, was a tougher battle.
Anger gives signals. Impulse does not. It arrives suddenly and demands action before thought has a chance to catch up. Many of my regrets came not from anger itself, but from acting too fast while emotions were still loud.
That shift began when I started applying Stoic principles to my life, even sometimes unknowingly.
Stoicism did not make me emotionless or detached. It gave me something far more practical. A pause. A small space between what I feel and what I do next. In that space, I learned to question my reactions. Is this within my control? Will this matter tomorrow? Is my response helping or just releasing pressure?
That pause changed everything.
Today, I still feel anger. I still feel impulse. But they no longer control my actions the way they once did. I have learned, growth is about building the awareness and discipline to respond better when they show up, and not about eliminating flaws.
And honestly, that is what real control feels like.